Living Freely

11/26/2005

Hey2!!! Since I dun want the same incident to happen like the last time, I have to say it now or never! YeaY!!!!

Hmm...today, I had an Ok day or so to say but I lurve the ending!!!

The starting I was wondering if I would like to carry on with my piano but at the same time, I dunnoe...I am a bit fickle minded since MOST of my mates say I cant play well! Damn! I have a cert to certify that I can play the piano quite well but U guys just cant appreciate it till I give up on giving u guys a listen to how I play it.

Then, after that, I went to my cuzzin's house. Luckily, that guy is not there, if not, I dunnoe how to talk to him. I was quite tired but I had an empty stomach that I think today I am like a glutten. I ate like a plate of plain rice full of gravy on top of them, then another plate of Fried Mee Hoon, and add another 5 Pieces of my favourite kuih...So full yet...but thats not the end of the story..wait till the next paragraph...After I ate the 3 most HEAVY meal, I took an accident nap for like 5 mins. I cant believe myself. I cant eat a lot of heavy meals lest I will sleep. Just One can make me tired, whats more 3 meals...

After the short lunch at my cuzzin's house, there was a dinner retreat at Bukit Panjang CC. As the word says, DINNER..I dunnoe why I am so hungry today. I had another go for FOOD! Hmm..the first dish was Fried mee, wonton and chicken in bbq sauce..it was nice! Then, the second dish was Fried rice, sweet & sour fish and rendang meat. The dessert was talam sari n ice-cream. Whoa! Nice! I ate all of them in smaller portions cuz my stomach is already full from the first feasting.

The dinner retreat has a lot of activities such as games, lucky draw and some form of entertainment. There was Norfasarie(the famous actress now), Rudy(Anugerah 2000), Izzat(the playboy actor) and Caca(another celebrity). It was nice cuz it was happening to be surrounded by 9 real teenagers ranging from 14 - 18 years old. As usual, I am the oldest! If I know, I wouldnt have turned up! It makes feel so old among the juniors. All of them came in couples. Damn! Another mistake. I dunnoe how they do it but they came in couples. If I know, I ask another batch of people, then no couples. Hahaz...yeah la..make me feel sad all over but of cuz I din make it obvious. Since they are all my juniors, I have to act like I am one of them. So pai-sey...Hahaz..

Anywayz, that's what I have to say to you peepz! Now, I am back to my FYP mode...So loh soh...It seems itz never ending..I have to make it work lest I wont graduate from SP!!!! GOD, PLEASE HELP ME TO HAVE AN INTEREST TO DO FYP!!!!!

Ciaoz for now!

*[[Giving Myself a Chance]]*
|11:42 PM|

11/24/2005

Halo2...

Ok, anyways, met my best friend and as usual we lepakz at Segar LRT for like 1 hour or so...That place is like the place we usually lepakz. Lepaks and as usual we talked about our love life, school life and wat so nots...I lurve to talk while she listens. At the same time, we talk about our secondary school life. Once we talk, it will feel like therez no ending. Thus, we always extend la..from 8mins wait to 60mins wait..Always happen. Since secondary school, only difference is that in secondary school, we let the train passes us by at Choa Chu Kang LRT. Those were the days. I still miss the time in secondary school when the friends are more like similar in character.

In polytechnic,however, its a different story altogether. The classmates that you get, is so different in character that you have to accomodate to them. Then came the great blow, it so happens that, people change once they leave secondary school. I sometimes dun understand why. Even myself, I think I changed over the 3 years in poly. I think when I was in year 1, I was very slenger but now, I think I am quite well-dressed considering Im now addicted to wearing eyeliner and contact lenses. I mean, who would have thought a nerd like me would wear contact lenses and eyeliner to school? I,myself couldnt believe the change. Looking back, I think it fits my aim or objective, that is to have a more feminine touch to the physical looks. I think, my personality is about the same cuz guys still say I am rough despite the femininity touch. Haiz, I really dunnoe la..All I know, I think I have changed a little. I guess it accounts to the time I break up with you-know-who. When I break up, then I started to dress up. I, myself, do not know the reason why.

I guess I should be happy for myself and my friends who have tried so hard to make me happy when I was sad. Sometimes, I feel guilty for not listening to their advice. I am now paying for the trouble for not listening. I should have listened. Soon, I will listen to them. Both of us will know when the time comes if I listen to them. Only we know the advice. Whatever it is, only time will reveal all. Time is a factor cuz with it, then you know if whatever you did is happening or not. Whatever I said, is just gonna be an empty dustbin. Thus, its better to keep quiet about it and say it in action. Then, itz not an empty dustbin...

*[[Giving Myself a Chance]]*
|11:24 PM|

11/23/2005

Yesterday, I had a draggy day for practically the WHOLE day.I found out the reason why but its ok. I have to live with it sooner or later. Its just a matter of time before I face it. Its just that I am quite shocked it has to be this soon.

Today, I had an interview. It was ok and I really, REALLY hope I will be among the 16 people enlisted to get the job. I dun care about the pay or the work environment cuz I just want a stepping stone to get the job. Its the experience that counts. Moreover, I can start later. So I have the time to do all the necessary stuffs before I turn 21.

Anyways, did you guys know that actually, I had a good weekend this past week? I had actually forgotten to tell you guys the good news. I dunnoe why I prefer to tell the sad news first. I guess I haven gotten over B yet. Soon or maybe never, I will get over B.

So yeah, I actually forgotten what happen the past weekend! I should have blogged about it if I know this would happen. One thing for sure, I will never forget monday cuz I watched Harry Potter and the Goblet Of Fire!!!!! I lurve the show! You guyz should watched it!!!! Therez more of the humorous side than the darker side. Hermione,Harry and Ron are getting pretty much more good-looking than their first series. I guess, all of them are now celebrities thatz why they changed their look. However, I still prefer the old director as compared to this one. This director are so direct to the point and not long winded like the first two series. The characters are given normal clothes to wear unlike the first 2 series where most of the time they wore their uniform. Did I mention that the set for the movie totally changed!? Gosh! They should cut costs and use the same set cuz itz a series? Other than the set and the way the characters move, I think its the best yet that I have ever seen!!!!

So guys?! What are you waiting for?! Watch Harry Potter Quick!!!!!

*[[Giving Myself a Chance]]*
|8:16 PM|

11/17/2005

Ahuh! Yesterday itz bout B...today itz gonna be about me,myself and I in the adventure and a little chat about Love again...

Yet again, I am going through a miracle again. Remember about the trip from Orchard to Esplanade sometime early this year? Well...Fida asked me to walk from dover Mrt to Redhill MRT..an exercise i guess...Its freaking hot but I think itz worth it. Reason for it to be a worth it experience is because after the walk, I look as if I wore a make-up with the eyeliner and the pinkish face. The natural look...lurve myself and my eyes especially...As fudge always say, ' Self Praise is not a praise' But never mind, I know I am beautiful without anyone saying. Its just that I dunnoe how to beautify it further.

I wonder if I really beautify myself as in follow all the advice of my friends in accordance of my fashion sense, the way I project myself, will I get a lot of attention from guys? That really depends on guys, doesnt it? I know the best SECRET recipe is believe that you are beautiful and not saying it out loud but rather project it out by the way you talk and walk. It just puts guys ogling at you cuz you are who you are.

Sometimes I really dunnoe what guys are after. When I was in relationship, I realised that looks sometimes take a behind seat. Its rather how you understand the person and their personality that really rocks the relationship. Looks will never comes first cuz it will be more towards Infatuation or rather lust. Love...yet again, it never hover my mind maybe cuz I still love Ah-B...

Seriously speaking, I really thought I had let go of him till yesterday and today cuz I just cant forget him. Keep thinking of him like almost every minute? Luckily, I could still pay attention. If not, I guess, I need the 2 friends who will always bombard me with why still hang on...Haiz...Time, with it I know whether he is the one or not...the coincidences are ENDLESS...His "just know" friends and mine seem similar in personality and how they get our number. I think we should match-make them together..Hahaz!

Live for the moment again cuz I just pray that yesterday wont be the last I will be hearing from him. Haiz...yet again Ah-B's name will always be in my blog every time I blog. I wonder when will I stop, maybe NEVER?? Just wait and see cuz Time, with it, you know what will happen.

*[[Giving Myself a Chance]]*
|8:52 PM|

11/16/2005

After a few days of not writing, AGAIN I have something to say in my blog!! Its about B..so if u dun wish to read, u may skip it..

Hmm...nuthin much happenned for the past few days. Today, Yes! Today,B called me. After a long time after the raya eve incident. I dunnoe why I still have feelings for B..Haiz..Gosh! Like my friend says, I am the only girl whoz very stubborn. I never let go of him. I dunnoe why, seriously...I dunnoe. Time...Please make me stronger...I just hope everything will turns out fine. I am scared, really scared..He gave me news which really how to say it, breaks my heart or was it, I just felt sad cuz of the news. I wish and I hope deep in my heart, he will never take it but its him. Thus, I have to accept whatever decision he made.

I met Hafiz on the way home, quite shocked cuz I expected him to be at home?? Never mind, had something to tell him anyways. He saw me with Fudge..so i think, if u r reading this, what have you got to say about the remarks u made during the holidays??

Anyways, had a great time with fudge today. I really hope fudge will be happy always. I promised and it seems like I never keep my promise properly. I just lurve being with you. Haiz..I just hope everything turns out really well between your family. Still thinking of everything that happened today and I know how you are feeling about it.

As fudge always say 'Live for the moment'. That was the best moments of today..Haiz..For friends...It seems like itz not working...Not one friend but many friends told me so..Work harder guyz...or as Fidodidi always say 'Only you have the say when it comes to these matters'

*[[Giving Myself a Chance]]*
|9:34 PM|

11/14/2005

The past few days has been great..Of cuz reason..Went Hari Raya visits with friends and family.

The best thing is..I found out the TRUTH about FAIZAL...Fuh! I was lucky I din accept it! Really, I was...Damn him! Of cuz I wont tell him off ar..bery stupid sia..If my cuzzin din tell me that he just broke up a few days b4 this raya..I think I would be used for the sake of his girlfriend. His girlfriend actually two-timed him. Thus, from there, my assumption is He wanted me to spite his girlfriend? STUPIDITY MAN! Another CASE of guyz ARE egoistic! Now, if anyone could tell me, HOW AM I GONNA TRUST THIS GUY? Very silly! Haiz...I will never accept it man. I would not allow myself to be overshadowed by another girl again. Itz tiring to be the best yet the guy still cant just forget the other girl. I still remember the first few dates kz Mr B...Thatz why I alwayz felt overshadowed...

Now2...over about that guy! I still dunnoe how to react now in front of my cuzzins and him. Its really man...I really dunnoe...Crazy or what I also dunnoe. Just hope he finds his own happiness!

Wokayz...hmmm..last friday..I went hari raya with my poly mates! Wokayz ar..started late at around 5pm to the west side..Initially wanted to go both west and east but the journey to the east takes a lot of time..thus stop short at the east side. This coming friday I hope itz gonna be the east side! Cuz all my mates live in the east! WHY OH WHY U guys live at Pasir Ris when the school is at Dover Road. But itz ok..I know there are malays living at the west too but not much peepz..Live it up!

Last saturday, in the evening since no one cares to come to my house, my mum and I went out with my cuzzins who told me about FAIZAL..Im so irritated by him. Wokayz..we went to the elder sis and my aunt's best friend's house. It was fun. My cuzzin's wife put on make up on me. I think I look a little different but never mind. Fudge, I wore your pashmina scarf on this day. My cuzzin's wife say I should wear like that often. Thanx fudge for ur pashmina scarf..First time wear and I got a compliment. Should wear it often, ryte fudge?

Yesterday..hmm..great also...went to the teacher's houses with the fardu 'Ain peepz...7 peepz with me and Nisa being the girls in the group. Next year, if, IF i get my licence..I would like to rent a car! Renting a car before buying once I get a pay of $2000/month. Best is if I won a car. Then no money come out! The best house is of cuz Ustazah Sarah's house!!! Gerekz man!!! Her sisters are just as cool as her!!! Power! Live it up man!! Next year must go with her again and bring in MORE girls...

Hmm...today...I had a bad driving EXPRIENCE..I should prepare myself again. Met Mr Lim and hez bery frustrated with me. Haiz...Hope I wont get to see him again..Scary sia when hez mad. I nearly cried but I never cried..Went driving on road and sia ar..I was already nervous back in circuit and then move to the road..drive at 60km/h and I was down with a NERVOUS breakdown that at every traffic light junction, I took a deep breath. I was scared of SPEEDING for the first time! Perhaps itz cuz I din expect to drive on the road unlike the other time with Mr Koh. Haiz..shuld have prepared myself for the vertical parking and parallel parking!!! Again..Live it up! Next week, I shall prepare myself!!!!

Wokayz..another long one by Me!!! Dead among the shadows I am...Nice skin aint it? Very dark like how I feel rite now..Living in my shadows..Shall change the picture soon..one of my own once I grab hold of the Adobe Photoshop....Chill outz peepz!!! Take Care now!

Yet again, Im being fooled by GUYZ!!! If my cuzzin din tell me about him, I would have carried on believing that he broke up a long time ago.........Maybe guyz are easy to grab hold of girls as all they need to do is ask. Unlike girls where we have to wait for guys to ask us. Haiz...i dun think he knows that i have a blog...so thus I have to wait for him to admit his mistake..Shant be so frustrated now!

*[[Giving Myself a Chance]]*
|11:23 AM|

11/12/2005

Finally, my computer is ok~ Lurve it so much that itz now ok..Hope it stays that way forever....Haiz..no virus,i hope..no more dwling songs from friends...create more and more trouble...buy ORIGINAL cd is the best!

A message for B: Thanx anywayz yeah B for the msg and call a few dayz b4 hari raya...MADE me THINK twice before making the first move to make a contact with you.

This next paragraph is meant for nobody and meant for reading only...So dun feel intimidated or in malay terms..'TERASA'...

Is there one guy...JUST one who is not EGOISTIC??? I have yet to FIND one...Seriously...if there is, I think he is great guy. That is what they say as a REAL gentleman. Usually, these guys are ALWAYS attached so I dun bother thinking of having such guys as a special one. Im just plain jane who according to ....I am very demanding.

Demanding and Egoistic tallys well between guys and girls. Seriously...yeah. Thats why therez such a thing called GIVE n TAKE. If you give someone some invaluable stuffs...never expect the person to do give you double cuz it WONT happen.An advice: Never ever feel you have given more when in reality you gave nuthin. Reason...the person will never feel or remembers what you did or give...if you feel you have given more, then the person never appreciates it,it will affect you emotionally be it from family or friends.

*[[Giving Myself a Chance]]*
|12:55 AM|

11/07/2005

Hello everybody! Firstly, I would like to wish every muslims and hindus alike...A happy DEEPARAYA or Happy Deepavali and Selamat Hari Raya...

The main reason why I never update is because my computer is down at home. Thus, I have to use the school computer to update this blog of mine..Haiz...so sad but true..This hari raya, I am so freakingly irritated by my hp and computer.Both is giving me problem. The keypad of my hp is spoilt...haiz..im so frustrated..

A few days before hari raya, I think B called me. Yeah, I am confident that I think B called me. It was shocking but I knew it was going to short-lived. True enuf, on the eve of hari raya, I think that might be the last message im gonna send him. A hari raya message meant for him but I think his mum read it...so i guess for the both of them also possible...Hopefully, he din get into trouble. I think no point thinking cuz he IS in trouble. Haiz...hopefully, his brain could come out with GOOD reasons so that he wont get a worst punishment...

This hari raya was great..cuz I met my cuzzin and my brothers and sisters..though not all of them..the 4th brother is in Sarawak for his studies.Hopefully, next hari raya I will meet my 4th brother who is named as the most good looking brother among all the siblings though I think my 2nd brother is more good looking. My 1st brother look like CICO the malaysian actor..Well, I can say, my brothers are all good looking except for my younger brother who looks average like me and my elder sister.

My nephew is so CUTE!!! I cant wait to see my other 2 nephews or nieces(dunnoe the gender yet) who is by the way is going to be born somewhere this month and the other in March! That again...must wait till next hari raya..or issit? We'll just wait and see...Haiz...

Guess thatz it for now...or issit because my brain is stucked...

Niways...my house is having a Mini Open House this Saturday, 12th November from 1.30pm onwards...please come to my house if you wish...the address is
Blk 106, Teck Whye Lane
#03-502
Singapore 680106..

We'll be serving Steamboat for the guests...the biscuits and cakes are all home baked by me n my mum..so PLEASE COME!

*[[Giving Myself a Chance]]*
|12:22 PM|