Living Freely

10/22/2005

Hmm...today...the starting was good..the ending...SHOCKING! Finally I have something to post inside this blog! I have to let it out today or I may forget it the next day! Better now when itz still fresh!

Wokayz...Today I got 4 stamps for my driving lesson. What makez my day was I can speed up at 70km/h...and I drove at my place aka Teck Whye for the 3rd session. I got my patient teacher Mr Tan!!! Whoo hoo...back to Car63...it seems like tatz gonna be my car...Hahaz...Better not say, later on monday..Car64 with Mr Koh..whoa..the fiercest teacher...Then, in the afternoon, I went again to drive with Car94 with a new teacher..He so good sia..I drove at clementi road, bukit timah road and bukit batok road, yew tee...so good ar...all r new routes with this new teacher. I got 2 stamps with this teacher n Mr Tan! Finally I can drop gear without jerking! I really hate when it jerks but dunnoe why it alwayz jerk...Perhaps, I always throw away my clutch...

After that..I went to Bugis with my Family...GOT that? FAMILY! Kewl huh? That was their first time going to Bugis. I was like their tour guide...Hahaz...My mum went shopping to shop for her shoes, tudung and cups for the Hari Raya. This year, I told my mum, instead of serving cold drinks to our guests, we will serve hot drinks as every house we went would serve cold or gassy drinks which is bad for them. Thus, to all u peepz, please be my guests cuz I wanna serve u my cookies(insya'allah, if it turns out NICE) and hot drinks..namely TEA...

At night, however, shuckz, B, R u reading this? I hope u r not, kz? I dun want u to feel disappointed. Remember, there was this article bout 2 guys asking me for numbers..Well, one of them is my cuzzin's fren, Faizal. During my cuzzin's wedding, this guy kept staring at me. How I know? This is how. I played a trick on my mum..he was sitting quite far and he can laugh at the trick when others din cuz they were bz..Perhapz, itz just me so I din pursued the matter. Since he is my cuzzin's fren, I treat him as my fren. I mean, itz rude...aint it? Its my cuzzin's fren, we r talking about. Of cuz, he din know that I just broke up like what..2 weeks b4 my cuzzin's wedding? Was it? I din count..for all I know, i have broken up..thatz all. Today, out of a sudden, he said...'den, if i want to b ur special fren, how?'

How would u feel if u were me? I was shocked, of cuz! I din really expect him to say that. Luckily, he understand..Fuh...cuz he said...'if u r not ready, i understand' Whoa lau! I am sure not ready for any at the moment..

Now, I learnt my lesson...I know he liked me and I treat him no difference from my other friends..and now..this..whoa lau..When he saw me, it was when I was at my best(or i pretended to be)...What if, he saw me with my specs and at my worst? Hmm..wonder how would he react then...haiz.....

Shocking..again B...I really hope you din read that part..Shocking news for me man!

*[[Giving Myself a Chance]]*
|12:08 AM|

10/13/2005

Ya know, ya know! Yesterday was the day of my happiest day!!! I am so HAPPY!!!!!!

Wokayz..so the day did not start well but the way it ends?! I love it!!!!! I'm feeling good...nanananana(follow the song)....Hahaz....

I had iftar in the late evening at around 5pm meet up with the Nurhayat peepz!!!! Hmm...the 4 girls and rahman shared 2 side dishes together + their individual plate. Tat was a lot of food. Of all the food that was served to us, only the Char Kuay Sotong was the best! The rest, so stale. I shouldnt have eaten a lot. This means I finish up all the food on my plate and the drink. Haiz..After eating for break fast, we went to Masjid Maulana for the Maghrib prayers.

After maghrib prayers, we went and sit by the river waiting for the next event. Guess what it is? A celebration of birthdays!! Yeay!! The cake was superbly nice!!!! Really! We cut the cake according to our posts and it was just nice to cut the whole cake. When we were eating, 2 peepz, K n Z...not having to finish up their cake, uses the cake to hit on people's face. I was one of the lucky few not being hit by them! Hooray! Yahoo! Great huh!?

After everyone had finished eating the cake, we head back home slowly walking from Raffles Place to City Hall. It wasnt just walking but we took pictures along the way. You guyz should look thru the pictures. I for one, did not take that many pictures with me but you may browse thru the multiply for the pictures. I am still hitting on getting the pictures that they took with the statues. Everyone incl. the tourists who passes us by, laugh at them for having fun with the statues. The memory is still vivid but I cant describe how funny it was. Ask the Nurhayat peepz, then you will know. They are but peepz who is very great to hang out with. It is because we LURVES to crap!!! Hahaz....

Err...confession yeah, I haven eaten a single food for the past 2 days. So eating a lot of food during the iftar somehow brought a stomach shock to my body. Sorry yeah peepz for causing an alarm as we head back home. I really threw out everything including the cake. Haiz..so wasted..

At around 9.30pm, I received a call by who else? who else? B!!!!!! YEAH!!!! B gave me a surprise call!!!!!!! WHOORAY!!!!!!!!!!! HE GAVE ME A SURPRISE CALL!!! HE DID! HE FINALLY DID!!!! YEAH!!!!!YEASH!!!!!!YESH!!!YEAY!!!Wokayz....im so over the moon and I still can hear his voice ringing inside my ears. It was a mistake but a good one. Reason for it being a mistake: NOW, I WISH I COULD TALK TO HIM EVERYDAY! Unfortunately....haiz..I shant make him break his promise to his mum. At the most I can do now is...just send him an email...The surprise call...I guess,will have to lay stagnant for a while now. I wanted to give him a call next month but he called yesterday and my heart can now lay in peace...SO NOT! I have to wait till the day I cant take it anymore. Hmm...He called at the wrong time though. My stomach was having a problem cuz it wanted to throw out EVERYTHING that I ate during Iftar. Cant believe it! So I had to put down the phone and continue talking to him at 11pm which lasted for 1 hour. I just lurve him! If only, IF ONLY, this breakup doesnt happen. It is just so sad...I cant believe I cried again over the phone. Its just so fortunate he dun have to see my tears.Even so, I wouldnt allow it to happen. Let him hear the sobs but not see the tears.

When its about bedtime, I cant sleep. Im just so excited that he called me. I smiled as I lay to sleep. I dun care about the fact that it might be the last time I talk to him. However as my saying goes, when there is a future, there is hope. Till the day I die, thats when I see no hope in living anymore. Of cuz, itz gonna be naturally and not a SELF-INFLICTING one...Reason: I am so scared of dying!!

Lurving the days
Hope that the future will still turn upside!!

*[[Giving Myself a Chance]]*
|10:36 AM|

10/11/2005

Ya know..I wanted to write a brief history of the best moments of my relationship when this computer dies on me. I can only conclude that this computer does not allow me to even think of him...Anyways...ya know when is it? Itz of cuz, 12th May 2004...Tat was the best! So yeah...No need to go in detail cuz thats the day he said I love you so many times at the top of esplanade(now a garden) that I keep as a memory since now, I cant hear it anymore...Ooooh....So sad..:( Do you know why? That was the most romantic period!!!! Theres another one, the one at Raffles City by the Singapore River? We sit next to each other enjoying the moments...Oooooh...therez so many romantic periods...I shall report it at my multiply webpage when the come times..the romantic period of me and him together...

So there you go, my confessions to you guyz...I cant forget him. So dont make me yeah? Just make me forget all the mean things that he said to me and the mean things I did to him is enough for now..As for u, B, please look thru the multiply again yeah....Thanx....

Today, ya know, I passed my FINAL THEORY TEST!!! I passed!!! Thanx Hafiz for letting the day off for me to practice for the test! So I need not take it anymore!!!!! Yeah!!! Yeay!!!! I am so over the moon today! But I wish I could share it with someone...but who? Of cuz, I would like to share it with B but B is no longer my boyfriend. If only, IF ONLY, I picked up the courage to just call him like now? It would be a surprise one. Darn...Would he answers?? Lets wait and see....I am counting the days to call him now..so B, wait for my surprise call yeah?? At night, I would just dial his number when therez no network coverage in my room. Stupid ryte? Nak call pun takut...apa dah....haiz....

So yeah...Im now given a task to do a background shades for the webpage. I wonder how it would work out. Im so weak at creating the navigation bars. I have to upgrade myself and create a NICE, COLOURFUL webpage. It must be as NICE as my FRIENDSTER acct. So Blue and its SO...ME!!! hahaz..

I just lurve blue. It lifts me up whenever I see that acct. Its my work and I lurve it! Now, Im doing my webpage to be something like that. They say ideas come when you feel sad. So...true! All my sorrows are now like what thrown inside the creativity side of me? Hmm..it took me like what, 2 days to come out with that kind of webpage? I want more creativity but creativity needs patience. Thus, I have to be patient with what I have and create a wonderful one for my FYP! FYP....HERE I COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What B said about driving is so...TRUE!!! Yeah!! I cant believe it myself till I tried driving at 70km/h at the expressway near the Bukit Batok area..Of cuz, besides me therez the instructor. Another Yandao but I still prefer Mr K!!!! He still teaches the best cuz he will recap what I have learnt at the end of the lessons. I cant wait for next week to comes...but I know he doesnt really like me cuz I keep zig-zagging my car which is SUPER dangerous. Apart from that, I keep throwing away my clutch after changing gear and the car...as you peepz know, will jerk or even stall! I hate when that happens cuz I will PANIC!!! Suddenly, all the lessons go to waste. I wish I wont panic when the next lesson comes which is this thursday! I just found out something, Car 64(my car) is not available on thursday and friday...No wonder I got another instructor last thursday and friday. An old teacher but a VERY good one! He teaches very patiently and gives motivation when I did well...but Mr K is still the best!!!! I hope I wont zig-zag at my next lesson cuz thatz my weakest link! The turning is also my weakest link...haiz..

*[[Giving Myself a Chance]]*
|6:03 PM|

10/07/2005

Yeah2! Finally the two of them patched things up! I am goin to move on as slowly as possible. Yeah...it may not seem as easy as I thought it would be. So long as I have my family and friends with me, I guess I can go through this phase with ease.

Now2...I dun really have a lot of things to say. Guess, yesterday, I poured out everything that suddenly my mind today went blank. Anywayz, I cant wait for life to turn upside for me. I guess itz turning at the right direction. I hope it does.

Ya know, I just found out that MOST of my friends would like to be a Police Officer once they graduate from poly. The MOST reason I heard was the pay that they get as compared to the pay that we have once we grad from poly. The difference is DOUBLE. Im not joking. Serious...If u grad from Poly and work according to ur faculty, the pay is only around $1300-$1500 as compared to being a police where the pay is around $1800-$2000++. Hmm..as for me, I am still considering. Anyone wants to help me make a decision, you are welcome to tag me or msn me..Im sure u know my address...ryte?? If you dunnoe..den here it is...

MSN: shanurda85@hotmail.com

Haiyoh...another decision to make for me is about my citizenship. Still wondering if I should remain as Singaporean or Malaysian as state in my Birth Cert...Come on peepz...if anyone, ANYONE, can gimme idea or reasons why should I be a singaporean, Please, PLEASE tell me...So far, only 1 out of 10 friends say that I might be better off being a Singaporean. So? Again, tell me at msn orite? I lurve being in Singapore but the future of Singapore is still unknown just as well as the future of Malaysia. Its such a BIG decision that I think I might be better off dead before I reached 21. Then, I wont have to work and make this decision. Hahaz...

Yeah...as per normal..nobody reads my multiply webpage...

Multiply: shanurda85.multiply.com

If you are interested..but i believe I update here more often than there...hahaz...Take care peepz!!

Take care peepz just as well as I am taking care of myself!

*[[Giving Myself a Chance]]*
|10:34 PM|

10/05/2005

Hello2...In times like this, .everybody tends to remain as calm as possible...Itz because itz the FASTING MONTH!!! Whoo Hoo!!!! Yeah...today is the first day..Look thru his blog as per normal...dalam baik eh abang B sindir kita.....Orang tahu la everytime u make a statement, I always rebuked back....You make an explanation but it somehow falls into deaf ears but when a girl is upset, you can never expect her to listen to you...Haiz..Di mana ada cinta, di situ confirm ada benci, ye tak? Haiz...Sometimes I just hate him but I dunnoe why it will subside quickly forgetting his mistakes and all...

Anywayz...Korang2 nie jangan tak berposa tau...bulan niela kita dapat menebus segala dosa-dosa yang lalu...Looking back, I kinda notice that there was a lot of sins that I did unknowingly. Of cuz, when u r up there and when the satan come inside the picture, you wont seem to know that itz a sin. Even today, I went out with Hafiz(my grp mate), we shared a lot of bad remarks to each other. Nevertheless, it end up quite well...Of cuz, I never said sorry which I should have cuz its the FASTING MONTH. Jahat eh? What to do...we always joke liddat.

Therez chemistry between us which is good for Final Year Project and I really hope that we make the niche to get A or Distinction this time after much quarreling. The both of us will spend a lot of time together doing webpage for our project based on teaching students how to pass measurement module with good grades. And NO, He will never be my soulmate if thats what you peepz is thinking and PLEASE dun matchmake me with him! This applies to my poly mates who keeps teasing me...He may be good looking..and some say hez more good looking than B but he and I will only be working PARTNERS..Got that? I will never, NEVER make him one even if he asked me to...

I am still thinking of which software to use for this project...between Adobe Photoshop and Dreamweaver....The best is to combine the two of them together! That will be great! Yeah...thats why Ive been playing with my friendster and multiply account. Matching colour with background...For this blog website...I guess if I play around with it, maybe it will change..Wait for the outcome peepz!!! Soon to become...

Oh yeah! I went for my first driving lesson this month! Today marked my second lesson and I got the same Instructor who hates Stage 1 to 3...But I will expect to see him this week and in 2 week's time cuz I book him early2...Hahaz...Thus, whether he like it or not, I have to meet him for this 3 stages. My leg was tired and shivering...Fuh!!! Nobody told me itz gonna be tough learning driving...My hand, eye and leg co-ordination is so poor but still can manage if I practice. This is based on my experience with piano lessons where u have to use all 3 co-ordination except you dont have to move your leg every now and then..I wonder..How would it be in 3 month's time. Will I get my licence to drive?? Again...as my saying goes...ONLY TIME WILL TELL! I cant wait for tomorrow to come cuz it will be my 3rd Lesson driving!! I wonder how would it feels like.

Hmm...I was appointed yet again as the leader for Al-Iman Youth Wing for the girls..Damn! Do I like it? Yes and No...Yes cuz I want to be the KEY playa..No cuz it takes responsibility...So I have to take up responsibility for calling up girls for events. Therez a new Advisor and I kinda like this guy. Reason: Hez very upgoing though hez a little bit OVER-aged for a youth. Hez like us so youth like...As the cliff richard song....The Young Ones....Dunnoe the lyrics but hez so young at heart. I cant wait for the events coming up and working with him. It seems like fun but dia nie layan sangat kerenah budak2 lelaki. The girls...whoa!!! So organised! I like!!! Tak payah nak organisekan mereka!!

Hmm...dalam orang tgh kesedihan, I receive 2 guys asking me for numbers! Can you imagine that! 2 GUYZ!! I really dunnoe what they see in me...My face is filled with pimples, PIMPLES...Haiz..apa2la...pimples is of cuz due to my stress overload...mana ngan baru putus cinta, project nak siapkan, test dengar half class fail...Itz measurement paper of cuz...I cried while doing the paper. Reason: It was so difficult and I so wanted to give up but sumhow I heard someone forcing me to do it no matter how difficult it was. Thatz why I cried..That someone dun want me to give up half-way...My mind was blank...SUPER Blank when I look at the drawing...Then I just do slowly2...The drawing is actually a basement pathway like the one u see in Orchard. We have to measure it..Konon2, that pathway is not there...Must take into consideration the 2 side buildings so as not to have cracks occuring. Punyala susah..Ini blum construction lagi tau...baru measuring the items and pricing of the materials needed for the basement pathway.Reason: If the measurement is super tough, the construction is even worst!

Its quite a long one by me! Reason, I got a lot of things in my mind to throw inside this blog. If you notice, I purposely, CAPS the FASTING MONTH...cuz I wish for makepo and fudge to stop arguing inside my tagboard. Though it makes my taggie alive, I would like it if they make friends. How bout that fudge?

*[[Giving Myself a Chance]]*
|10:02 PM|

10/01/2005

Darn! Not again!!!!! Read his blog again and Not another case of Truthfulness.....Haiyoh! I cant help but just look at his miserable state. I cried as I read each sentence of his words....The guy who gave me hope was just not there...Where the heck is the guy??? I din expect it to be this way but why!!!! I just hope I could just turn the clock around and never be his girl when I was in year 2...I caused everything to happen. I caused him to be in this state. I just hope the girl who will really gave him hope dont make the same mistakes I made......................................Haiz...

Well, I wanted to write a happy note but seeing his blog, Suddenly, my mind is in a mess...Its because of me but I never regret telling my feelings in this blog. It somehow made him write an HONEST report in his blog. Now then I will believe everything that is being written...Whatever it is...

WAKE UP! ITS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD!!! PLEASE BREAK THE SILENCE CUZ I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE....PLEASE?????

Time
What is it?
Itz life
Only with it
People find meaning in Life

*[[Giving Myself a Chance]]*
|12:36 PM|