Living Freely

8/25/2005

Haiz............Its been a week that i burn the midnight oil only to be given a bad news that totally change my mood to study and do my work. Whatever it is, i have to chuck this feeling aside cuz it will do nuthing but bad for my studies. I will remember the date...24th August 2005 as the day everything turn around. Dont ask me why cuz I aint telling. Whatever it is, i caused something bad to happen to someone and I am feeling guilty of it. I dont even know how to solve the thing cuz I myself is cash-stucked. If only, IF ONLY I have the money...then I can help that someone. But since I cant...I can only feel guilty and a feeling of loss. Haiz...a loss..A LOSS???? GOSH! Am i mean? But what can i do? I dinnoe and that someone dinnoe. And all becuz of this, nothing can be done anymore. Whatever it is...if u read this...

I AM VERY SORRY.....I DINNOE I WOULD CAUSE THAT MUCH A TROUBLE TO YOU. IF I HAD THE MONEY, I COULD PAY YOU BUT I DON'T. I HAVE CAUSE NOTHING BUT TROUBLE TO YOU. IF ONLY WE COULD TURN BACK TIME, THIS WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPEN, AINT IT? I AM VERY, VERY SORRY...WILL YOU PLEASE FORGIVE ME?

I really hope this person will forgive me cuz I am but trouble to this person. I am scared but whatever it is, the results will only be out when this person read this blog of mine. That is if this person can read this blog.

*[[Giving Myself a Chance]]*
|10:45 PM|

8/23/2005

Fuyoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Guess what! For the past few days, I have been burning the midnight oil just to finish up my assignments. This is thanks to my procrastination of doing things at the last minute....If this is to go on, I would suspect that I will stay out late to study for the END OF SEMESTER test that is coming up on the 9th September. Yes, you peepz did not see the wrong date...IT IS ON THE 9th September..While my other SP mates have the bliss of having exams on the 16th September, I have to rush all my works and finish it by next week. Haiz was being woken up by my mates after I din finish up the tutorials last week. Delay all my works that they scolded me. Then, now, i am burning the oil to woke me..That is why you peepz saw me online at the wee hours in the morning like 2am then I log off. Ahakz...

Doing these papers, I find that time is moving very fast unlike the past few weeks where I find that each day feels like a week or a year. So long that I have a tendency to think of the past and how it feels like to be loved that I have the time to do a Malay version of Poem, Sajak...2 sentence per day becomes like a full version...But~ You guys cant see it..Too bad...Shy ar...

Its only meant for special people like...whoever who read it...Keep quiet cuz u r one of the few who get to read it..Yeah, itz being posted in multiply where only certain people can see...

Was running thru the blog skins...and there is this nice skin that i like very much...Haiz...Nice one...thus this is the new template...I think its much better than this one..hahaz..

Yeah....gotta go now...ciaoz for now!!

*[[Giving Myself a Chance]]*
|12:53 PM|

8/14/2005

Ya guyz know what! Yeah, all is well with my mum after 1 week of not talking to her. She is a bit sensitive with money. Thats all I can say. The point is the money inside my bank is for my future car..No wonder she din let me use the money. Shud have told me earlier...Then, I explain to her la...about 3rd year student life in poly. Then she understands. Haiz...IF ONLY SHE UNDERSTANDS EARLIER..

Yesterday, I went out with Yasmin..watched this show called The Maid..The story..SLOW! Sound effect...GEREKZ! Yeah, thats what I have to say about the show. I din expect much from the story unlike my fren. She expected it to be a good scary movie..But as I am scared, she was like super calm! OMG, how i wish i culd b like her. REALLY! Haiz, talked about the good old times back in primary school. Cool! Haiz...then I remembered the times i had with who else but my charming ex. Yupz, we met in p6 in tuition centre..Those were the days..Reminiscing the good old dayz...

Gosh! Suddenly mind is blocked! Shucks..Okla peepz...Cya!

*[[Giving Myself a Chance]]*
|5:05 PM|

8/09/2005

Sometimes I just dont understands my mum. Why must she controls me when I am already 20? I ask for my atm card and there she is comparing me with my..... I mean goodness. I am so different from that particular person. I need my atm card so that I can spend it for my FYP and to spend it on a blouse which I really need for my test interview. There she is saying things like I am under peer pressure, will spend the money like water and so on. Come on! I know how to spend the money. I am 20 but the way she treat me, is like I am 10 years old. Gosh! I wonder when will she let go of me. I want to be free but truth to be told, I can be free until I am what, working? Even then, I wonder....Haiz..When will she be open minded. She said my going to be first pay of $1000++ is not gonna be enough. Gosh! I know its not enough but for a first pay, its considered quite high. The pay is going to rise up, aint it? Its not going to be stagnant at $1000++ forever. Sometimes, my mum is getting unpredictable.

She gets mad at me for like teeeny, meeny, whynee things. Like when I want to sweep the floor, she would ask me to sweep it with the other broom instead of the one I am using. When I want to use a blender to blend in the chillies and so on, she would ask me to blend it using another blender. Gosh! I know what I am doing yet, there she is getting mad at me over these stuffs. Then when I go on using it, she will scold me. Its like as if I have to listen to her every word.

Sometimes I really,really, REALLY dont understand why must she gets mad at this stupid stuff. When I rebuked back, she said I am very rude. Come on la, itz so small. Itz not like a big thing like smoking or drinking. And wearing fitting clothes to her, itz tight and she will makes comment about that. Like why show off the body to the world. Haiz..Why cant I be like them? Haiz... I feel as if I am dependent on my mum cuz she NEVER lets me to be Independent. Why cant she gives me the trust that I can take care of my money? WHY???? Why cant she trust me that I can be responsible for my own actions? WHY??? WHY IS SHE TREATING ME LIKE A KID!!!!!

My other friends are allowed or even encouraged to have boyfriends. Unfortunately, I am not allowed. Yes, the other time, I got hitched, I cannot tell my mum that I have problems like you guys did. I have to act as if I am still single and that I have no problems. Still remember how one of my friends were amazed that I can hide those hurts when I just, just quarrelled with my ex a while before my parents were back. I cannot tell my mum cuz she will never understand how I feel. I did try to make her understand only to hear her nagging and shouting. Thats not what I WANT! I want her to be a little more open. Just a little wont hurt right? Shez just so conservative. Haiz...when will I be free as a bird? When I am married? I dont know. I just dont know.....

Not every adults are right. But all she knows is I am ALWAYS wrong and she is ALWAYS right! Haiz...sometimes itz getting unpredictable..When was the last time this happen? When I was in secondary school. FOR ONCE, FOR ONCE, I thought when I am in poly, she would not scold me over such stuff. But, NOPEZ, her menopause period is back! Gosh! I wonder when will this unpredictable life will ends!

*[[Giving Myself a Chance]]*
|2:30 PM|

8/06/2005

Ya know peepz....I spent my day today creating a skin for my own using Photoshop!!!! Fuh!! Supposed to be studying but I think a bit of slack is ok ryte...Will be up soon!!! Just wanna say that...Cuz itz my first time doing a skin without using the blogskins! Fuh! Memenatkan..baru gue tahu asal lor suma makan banyak masa membuat blog skins...Take days..i think..fuh! I wonder will it be like this one? I also dunnoe...stick to find out!

*[[Giving Myself a Chance]]*
|11:48 PM|

Hey ya peepz! I only failed one paper of the 6 papers that i took..Whoa sey...I knew it and it came true..Itz none other than PNQ paper la...failed by 4 marks..Expected...Passed my Con tech paper..alhamdulillah! Passed by 2 marks..ahakz...haiz...at least i passed...This term a bit slack but it just started..expect a lot of staying back after skewl once this monday is up..Haiz..But my motivator is back! Whoo hoo! I just lurve him but I will miss him as much..Haiz..

Mendengar suaramu bak melihat dirimu sayang...
Kerinduan telah mengajarku untuk memelihara percintaan ini...

Hmm..yeah...I aint know much about sajak...It will only stop at 2 sentences..after that..I dunnoe what to write..whoever cares to continue for me...juz add from there...

Lifes is but a miracle..I cant wait for this 3rd year to end!!!! 5 more months to go and off to workland! I aint gonna continue my studies to university. What heck! I dun care about paper qualifications as I know my diploma is a wanted diploma...I want to work as a Quantity Surveyor..Be an Assistant QS and work my way up....if i have the money, i will stop work after 7 years, and maybe go to aussie or uk to take a degree in Quantity Surveying for 2 years..And poof! I am a Qualified Quantity Surveyor! That will depend on myself but this diploma is a specialisation diploma not a theory diploma...

I no longer care about stress! Its stupidity to think about stress...whatz life without stress? Plain and boring! Work ur brains up! Work your life beyond stress! Love ur life and you will gain more than you expect them to be!

I LOVE MYSELF!! I LOVE MY FAMILY AND MY DEAREST(yet to be found)! I LOVE MY LIFE!!!

*[[Giving Myself a Chance]]*
|2:03 PM|